I used to love chain carousels at lofty heights you fly through time and space, all around, again and again. Today I am sitting in a carousel that also rotates constantly, that I can hardly leave alone and that gives me anything but a positive experience.

My fertility disappointment carousel is determined by my cycle and driven by the desire to finally get pregnant.

Day 1 the Period

A new round in the carousel begins with the worst moment the onset of the period. The period is over it did not work again, all hopes are dashed, everything was again in vain. I am at the bottom, feel empty, disappointed, sad and would like to lie in bed all day, sleep and forget everything.

Questions that no one can give me an answer to and that basically only wear me down are circling in my head Why does my desire to have children only remain unfulfilled, Why do EVERYONE else get pregnant, just me not, Is with what broke me , Will it ever work  I pull the covers over my head and fall asleep.

Day 2 the Period

The greatest disappointment about the still unfulfilled desire to have children has been overcome. I am still sad, but gather all my courage, all my positive thoughts and all my hope and start again. I am looking for new information on the Internet about what I can do to increase my chances.

I plan not to worry so much this month and just let it come to me (anyway, I drink my cycle tea, because it’s so good for me too). The more time passes, the better I feel, but at the same time, I am waiting for ovulation.

Day X Ovulation

Now it’s time to get down to it flowers and bees and so on, cycle tea and lots of positive thoughts. This time it works!

From Day X hope

Every change is now perceived critically do I get more pimples than usual Do I have to use the toilet more often I try to stay calm and not constantly thinking about what might happen to me, but I can do it more badly than I can. Nothing is as exciting as the thought that you could get pregnant right now!

You already imagine how your own parents would react (super happy, of course) and quickly repress these thoughts – no, don’t step in now, you will only be disappointed again! The closer day 1 comes, which hopefully will not be day 1 this time, the more impatient you become and then it comes too quickly the period and a new round in the carousel begins.


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